Who am I?

Understanding how God designed me as a woman, who He says that I am, and what He wants for me has been something that I have pursued for most of my life. Everyone has their own ideas of what I should be or how I should act.  Even within ‘the church’ there are conflicting ideas of who I should be as a woman. 

How do I know who to trust? How do I handle conflict? Who gets access to my heart? What is the difference between a difficult relationship and a destructive / abusive relationship? Why are women encouraged to stay in abusive relationships when abuse doesn’t fit with the character of God and how He treated women? What is a covenant marriage and how do you know when the covenant has been broken? How do you know if someone is just selfish versus whether they are a narcissist? Why do I keep making the same mistakes? Is this just a bad habit or an addiction? Am I just sad or is this depression? Does God get mad at me if I need medication?

Below are my go to resources for women that have found themselves in the confusing season of ‘who am I’. This season could be due to a difficult childhood, misguided cultural norms, struggles with identity and gender, verbal, emotional, physical, and spiritual abuse, divorce, becoming a widow, an empty nest, etc. 

Some of the resources below are for women that find themselves in abusive situations and have no idea how to stop the cycle. I’ve been a victim of verbal, emotional, spiritual, and sexual abuse at various stages in my life. Abuse of any kind is a taboo subject in most Christian circles. It’s not that it isn’t happening in Christian homes, it’s just that very few know what to do about it.

Why is it that the LGBTQ+ community is more compassionate and understanding with this topic than most in the Christian community? Why is my unchurched neighbor more compassionate about my struggles with mental health than those in Sunday school? Many times, I believe it is simply because ‘the church’ doesn’t know what to do. So I’m here to start the conversation!

Rather than giving the struggling person a placating smile, a scripture that makes them feel that they somehow brought this on themselves, giving them a dismissive statement along the lines of ‘you’re probably just misunderstanding’, and then wrapping it up with the ‘we’ll be praying for you’, we can offer real resources. There are people within every church that are working hard to step in the mess and love people right where they are. These resources are also for you!

Salvation is black and white. Relationships are not! There is no bullet proof, 100% guaranteed correct answer for so many of the grey areas in relationships. HOWEVER, we have to start the conversation and be willing to step into the mess with those that are hurting, look for answers, apologize when we get it wrong, give grace when there is misunderstanding, and continue to pursue God’s plan for the mess.

As with anything, read with an open heart and through your Holy Spirit discernment lens. Take everything to the Lord and to the Word.